Loneliness

The history of loneliness is as complex and evolving as human society itself. While the feeling of loneliness has likely existed since early human communities, our understanding of it—and even the word itself—has a more recent history.

According to recent Gallup data in 2021 and 2022, nearly 1 in 4 men aged 18 to 29 report feeling lonely. That’s 24%. And here’s the kicker—this rate has been rising over the past decade. Social isolation, fewer close friendships, less emotional intimacy with peers—these are just a few of the patterns showing up.

Some of this loneliness has to do with societal expectations. Men are often taught to be independent, stoic, and strong. But those messages can become barriers when what we really need is connection, vulnerability, and support.’

Transcript

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brian Ragsdale, and welcome back to Transforming Minds. Today I want to talk about a topic that doesn't get enough attention, the loneliness of men, especially younger men, and what we can do about it. We'll explore some eye-opening research and reflect on why this is happening, and I'll offer you some grounded strategies to cope, connect, and heal. Some describe this phenom as a silent epidemic. So let's start with the facts. According to recent Gallup data in 2021 and 2022, nearly one in four men aged between 18 to 29 report feeling lonely. That's 24%. And here's the kicker. This rate has been rising over the past decade. social isolation, fewer close friendships, less emotional intimacy with peers. These are just a few of the patterns showing up. Some of this loneliness has to do with societal expectations. Men are often taught to be independent, stoic, and strong. But those messages can become barriers when what we really need is connection, vulnerability, and support. Gallup's recent surveys have included Black men in their samples. However, the publicly available data does not provide detailed breakdowns of loneliness rates specifically for Black men. The focus has primarily been on age and gender demographics. In contrast, the Kaiser Family Foundation's KFF, has conducted more detailed analysis concerning race and gender. Their 2023 survey on racism, discrimination, and health reveals that Black adults, particularly young Black adults and Black women, report higher rates of loneliness compared to other demographic groups. This These findings highlight the importance of considering both age and ethnocultural or race when addressing loneliness, as different groups may experience and report loneliness differently. The history of loneliness is as complex and evolving as human society itself. While the feeling of loneliness has likely existed since early human communities, our understanding of it And even the word itself has a more recent history. Origins of the term loneliness. The modern English word loneliness dates back to the early 17th century. It evolved from the term oneliness, which referred to the state of being alone. The emotional connotation, the painful awareness of being socially or emotionally disconnected, emerged more distinctly in the 19th century. Before then, solitude was often viewed in spiritual or neutral terms, especially in Christian monastic traditions. But loneliness as suffering from being alone is largely a modern concept. So there were some key historical shifts in the understanding of loneliness. So, for example, in pre-industrial societies, in agrarian and tribal communities, people lived in extended kin networks. So loneliness then was rare and less culturally visible due to constant communal engagement. And then in the Industrial Revolution of the 1800s, urbanization and migration began separating people from family and lifelong communities. So as cities grew, being anonymous also then increased. So you could be surrounded by people and still feel isolated. And now as we turn to the 20th century psychology and sociology, loneliness began to be studied more systematically. Next up, I'm going to talk about some key stats on loneliness. In black adults overall, approximately 19% report feeling frequently lonely, slightly higher than the 14% reported by white adults. When Thinking about loneliness for young black adults between the ages of 18 to 29, about 35% reported frequent loneliness, surpassing the 24% of young Hispanic adults and 22% of young Asian adults. This is from the KFF study. Black women, 22% report feeling frequently lonely compared to 17% of white women and 16% of Hispanic women. Black men. Studies indicate that 51.8% report experiencing loneliness, a higher rate compared to other racial groups. So there are some contributing factors that we think about when we think about loneliness. One is the social support networks. So only 44% of black adults report having a robust local support network compared to 56% of white adults. We have to also think about systemic inequities. Racism and discrimination contribute to feelings of being othered, leading to increased loneliness. Also, cultural expectations. The strong black woman stereotype, for example, can discourage black women from expressing vulnerability. This will then exacerbate feelings of isolation. And next, I want to talk about some coping strategies. So one is community engagement. Participating in community groups or faith-based organizations can provide social support. There are also mental health resources. Assessing culturally competent therapy can address unique challenges faced by black individuals. And third is open dialogue. Encouraging conversations about mental health within families and communities can reduce stigma. So, addressing loneliness in black communities requires a multifaceted approach that considers systemic, cultural, and individual factors. Next, I want to talk about two psychological experiments. The first is Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950s that showed that social bonds are crucial for emotional development. And then also attachment theory. So John Bowlby in 1958 and so forth, they emphasize early bonds and their impact on emotional security. Both of these monkey experiments where they looked at how monkeys connected to caregiving, and also John Bowlby's attachment theory that looked at early bonds in humans. They both sort of laid the groundwork for understanding loneliness as this form of relational pain. So first, let's dive into the Harlow study. So Harlow was studying attachment, comfort, and emotional development using infant rhesus monkeys as his test, quote unquote, subjects. His experiments radically changed the understanding of emotional needs in both animals and humans. So here's just a brief look at what his experiments were. It was called the wire mother versus the cloth mother experiment. So Harlow separated baby monkeys from their biological mothers shortly after birth and placed them in cages with two surrogate mothers. One was made of wire and held a bottle with milk. and the other was covered in soft terry cloth but provided no food. So the key question is, would the baby monkey choose food, which is the wire mother, or comfort the cloth mother? Welcome back. Here are the findings. The monkey spent the vast majority of their time, up to 22 hours a day, clinging to the cloth mother, even though she offered no nourishment. They would only go to the wire mother briefly to feed, then immediately return to the cloth mother for comfort. When frightened by, say, a strange object, the monkey babies ran to the cloth mother, not the one that fed them. So what did this show? Harlow's work disproved the dominant theory at the time that attachment was mainly based on food provision. Instead, his research suggested that comfort, touch, and emotional safety are fundamental needs in early development, and that physical closeness and affection form the basis of secure attachment. and deprivation of emotional bonds leads to severe psychological damage. And here were the long-term effects on the monkeys. Monkeys raised in isolation or without real maternal contact developed severe anxiety, rocking and self-soothing behaviors, difficulty in forming social bonds later, and inability to mate or parent normally. These results highlighted the long-term consequences of loneliness and emotional deprivation. Harlow's work had a pretty big impact on how we think about various societal approaches. For one thing, he influenced how hospitals and orphanages care for infants. And it contributed to the rise of the attachment theory inspired by Bowlby and Ainsworth. And it shifted the parenting norms toward emotional warmth and physical affection. It helped to validate the idea that loneliness isn't just sadness. It can cause developmental harm. And the study of loneliness has changed over the past 50 years. So in the 1970s and 1980s, loneliness was seen as a social issue. So researchers like Robert Weiss made a difference between emotional loneliness, this lack of intimate relationships, and social loneliness, this lack of broader community. We also saw the rise of divorce, single person households, and changing gender roles brought new public awareness to loneliness, particularly in aging populations. In the 1990s to 2000, we saw this shifting norms impacted or created by technology. So globalization and increased mobility led to more fractured communities. And despite cell phones and the internet, face-to-face interaction declined. Mental health professionals during the 1990s and 2000s began recognizing loneliness as a predictor of depression. especially in teens and elders. In the 2010 to 2020, loneliness became a public health crisis. Former US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy declared loneliness a public health issue in 2017. The UK appointed a Minister for Loneliness in 2018. Research shows links between chronic loneliness and cardiovascular disease, inflammation, dementia, and premature death, comparable to smoking about 15 cigarettes a day. In the 2020s to the present, we had a pandemic and digital disconnection. COVID-19 magnified existing loneliness, especially for men, youth, and marginalized groups. Gallup and other surveys show a steep rise in loneliness among younger people despite being more digitally connected than ever. And here are some cultural trends today. Young men are among the loneliest demographics today, which we've been talking about. Social disconnection, stigma around vulnerability, and fewer male friendships are contributing factors. Loneliness is being reframed less as a personal failure and more as a structural and emotional health issue. In summary, the experience of loneliness is ancient, but our awareness of it is a distinct emotional, psychological, and societal issue. It's relatively recent. Over the last 50 years, loneliness has shifted from a personal feeling to a measurable public health crisis, shaped by culture, technology, and evolving norms around connection and identity. Loneliness isn't just a feeling. It affects mental and physical health. Chronic loneliness can lead to increased risk for depression and anxiety, poor sleep, increased substance use, and earlier death. But this doesn't have to be the end of the story. So in the next section, I'm going to talk about ways to cope with loneliness. So let's talk about how to cope, not in a pull yourself up by your bootstraps kind of way, but in real practical terms. The first, name it. Say it out loud or journal it. I feel lonely. Naming your experience helps you reclaim agency. Number two. Strengthen your existing relationships. Start small, right? Text a friend, set up a 15-minute call, reconnect with people who once made you feel good. Three, join something regular, whether it's a weekly game night, a church group, a riding circle, or a hiking club. Routine builds connection. Four, practice emotional honesty. Say things like, I miss you. or I'm going through something. These small acts of vulnerability open the door for deeper connections. Five, seek therapy or coaching. Sometimes we need a safe space or a safer space to unpack what's underneath. Therapy isn't weakness, it's training for your emotional life. Six, nurture self-compassion. You're not broken, You're not weird. Loneliness doesn't mean you're failing. It means you're human. Now, here's something for allies and friends to do. If you love someone who's lonely, check in with them. Not just once, but regularly. Ask how they're doing and really listen. You can say things like, you've been on my mind. Or, I care about you and I'm here if you want to talk. Or, let's hang out, no pressure, just chill. Loneliness can shrink our world, but connection expands it. We don't need to be perfect to be loved. We just need to be real. If today's episode touched something in you, send it to a friend. Or better yet, use it as a conversation starter. Let's make it easier for men to talk about their loneliness. Let's make it normal. I'm Dr. Brian Ragsdale, and this is Transforming Minds. Be kind to yourself, you matter, and you are not alone. And now this is our call to action section. So you can reflect on this conversation we've been having. You take one minute. You can journal after this episode. You can engage. You can direct message me your thoughts or tag me with how this landed. We are on Facebook. You can search for Transforming Minds with Dr. Brian. You can also join my YouTube channel. Search Brian Ragsdale Studio with the number one. I have a new album of music coming out on Spotify and Apple Music, so look for that. The title of my album is Sunflower Man. And you can also leave me a voice message on threads. And in terms of my art, I have over 800 followers of my art. So thank you to the more than 800 and counting of you who follow my journey of art on LinkedIn or brianragsostudio.com or on Facebook, The Face of Soul. If you want to support our show, just leave a tip via PayPal if this helped. And I will talk to you next time. Thanks. And this is our season two. And we've had just over 100 downloads. So thank you so much. I know you're out there. I know you're listening. And please talk to me and let me know the types of subjects and themes that you want me to talk about. And we'll take a look at it. And I'll come back and present my ideas and thoughts and feelings and so forth. Take good care now. Bye-bye.