Boundaries: The Goldmine to Well-Being

In today’s episode, we’re discussing Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Well-Being. 

 As a psychologist in private practice, my clients and I talk a lot about boundaries, how to set them, why they are important, and I have learned much from my clients as they share their boundary success stories. Boundaries are like the gold mine of our well-being.  

Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships, managing stress, and prioritizing self-care. Yet, for many of us, setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable or even selfish. If this resonates with you, stay tuned. By the end of this episode, you’ll have practical tools to set and maintain boundaries that protect your well-being and foster healthier connections.

Chapters

• 1:33 Defining Boundaries
• 2:22 Trauma Survivors and Boundaries
• 3:37 Creating a sense of balance
• 4:39 Hard time saying no
• 6:10 Five Actionable Steps to setting boundaries

Transcript

This is an earlier transcript draft. 

S1 E9 Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Well-Being

Host: Hello and welcome to "Transforming Minds," the podcast where we explore pathways to personal growth, resilience, and fulfillment. I’m your host, Dr. Brian Ragsdale, and I’m so glad you’re here with me today for Episode 9 of Season 1.

In today’s episode, we’re discussing Setting Boundaries to Protect Your Well-Being. 

As a psychologist in private practice, my clients and I talk a lot about boundaries, how to set them, why they are important, and I have learned much from my clients as they share their boundary success stories. Boundaries are like the gold mine of our well-being.  

Boundaries are essential for maintaining healthy relationships, managing stress, and prioritizing self-care. Yet, for many of us, setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable or even selfish. If this resonates with you, stay tuned. By the end of this episode, you’ll have practical tools to set and maintain boundaries that protect your well-being and foster healthier connections.

[SEGMENT MUSIC TRANSITION]

Host: Let’s start by defining boundaries. Boundaries are the limits we set to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. 

Think of them as invisible lines that define what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not. 

They help us communicate our needs, values, and expectations to others. I talk about boundaries with my clients in several ways.  For example, I share with them that boundaries are like fences that protect you from crossing over, and they also protect the other person from inadvertently stepping over. Or another way to think of them is like a curvy line that can be moved once you have built trust, or giving yourself time to let down your guard.  

And for many of us, we acknowledge that we are not good at setting boundaries. For many people, especially trauma survivors who suffered from emotional abuse or neglect, we often had to move our boundaries in order to stay safe. The key here is to realize where you are weak at setting boundaries, to realize that there are some boundaries that you are not good at doing. 

Boundaries are sort of like guard rails, or lines that keep you in your lane as you travel.

But why are boundaries so important? 

Without them, we risk overcommitting, burning out, and feeling resentful. When others manipulate us they often make us feel that the boundary we have set is not useful.  They guilt us into lowering the boundary and then we feel unsure about why we moved or changed our boundary in the first place.  They keep us safe, and others too!

Boundaries create a sense of balance and allow us to show up as our best selves. For example, saying “no” to an additional work project might feel uncomfortable at first, but it can free up time to focus on your priorities and recharge your energy.

[PAUSE]

Host: One of the biggest challenges in setting boundaries is the fear of disappointing others. We worry about being seen as rude or unhelpful. But here’s the truth: Setting boundaries isn’t about rejecting others—it’s about honoring yourself. 

You have the right to honor yourself.  You can honor yourself.  You have the right to honor yourself.  

When you set boundaries, you’re not just protecting your well-being; you’re also creating clarity and respect in your relationships.

Let me share a personal example. Early in my career, I sometimes had a hard time saying “no.” I’d take on lots of projects and commit to requests, thinking it would make me a better colleague and friend. I used to tell myself, oh I can do that pretty easily, so why not contribute.  I can use excel, powerpoints, make fliers, like taking on different types of psychology challenges, and write and so forth. 

The problem with this thinking is that the person who was asking me for my participation would come back and ask me to do something else. I was caught in a cycle of doing, and the original boundary, that I might have set --no longer existed.  Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

At times, I found myself exhausted and frustrated. It wasn’t until I started setting boundaries—politely but firmly declining tasks that didn’t align with my priorities—that I felt more balanced and productive. And to my surprise, most people respected my boundaries and appreciated my honesty.

[SEGMENT MUSIC TRANSITION]

Host: So, how do we begin setting boundaries? Let’s break it down into five actionable steps:

1. Identify Your Limits:

Take time to reflect on your needs and values. What’s important to you? What’s draining your energy? Write down areas where you feel overextended or uncomfortable. For example, do you need more time for yourself? Are you saying “yes” to things out of obligation rather than desire? Clarity is the first step to setting effective boundaries.

2. Communicate Clearly:

When setting boundaries, it’s important to be direct and specific. Use “I” statements to express your needs. For example, instead of saying, “You’re always calling me at inconvenient times,” try, “I need to focus in the evenings, so let’s plan to catch up during the weekends instead.” Clear communication reduces misunderstandings and fosters mutual respect.

3. Start Small:

If boundary-setting feels overwhelming, start with one small change. Maybe it’s saying “no” to an invitation or setting a time limit on a meeting. Building confidence with smaller boundaries makes it easier to tackle bigger ones later.

4. Anticipate Pushback:

Not everyone will respond positively to your boundaries, especially if they’re used to you always saying “yes.” Be prepared for some resistance and remind yourself that setting boundaries is about protecting your well-being, not pleasing everyone.

5. Practice Consistency:

Boundaries are only effective if you uphold them. Be consistent in enforcing your limits, even when it’s uncomfortable. Over time, others will adjust and respect your boundaries.

[SEGMENT MUSIC TRANSITION]

Host: Now, let’s talk about the types of boundaries we can set. Boundaries aren’t just about saying “no.” They come in different forms, including:

• Physical Boundaries: Protecting your personal space and physical well-being. For example, telling someone you’re not comfortable with hugs.
• Emotional Boundaries: Managing your emotional energy and deciding what you’re willing to share. For instance, choosing not to engage in gossip or drama.
• Time Boundaries: Prioritizing your time and avoiding overcommitment. For example, setting office hours or dedicating weekends to rest.
• Digital Boundaries: Limiting screen time or managing how you engage online. For example, not responding to work emails after a certain hour.

Reflect on which of these boundaries you need to strengthen in your life. Remember, boundaries look different for everyone, and it’s okay to adjust them as your needs change.

[PAUSE]

Host: Setting boundaries is especially important in relationships. Whether it’s with family, friends, or colleagues, boundaries help define healthy dynamics. Let’s consider a few examples:

1. With Family: If a family member frequently criticizes you, you might say, “I value our relationship, but I’m not comfortable with negative comments about my choices. Let’s focus on supporting each other.”
2. With Friends: If a friend expects you to be available 24/7, you could say, “I care about you, but I need some downtime after work. Let’s plan to catch up on Friday.”
3. At Work: If a colleague often interrupts you during focus time, you might say, “I’m working on a deadline right now, but I’ll be happy to chat during lunch.”

Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out; they’re about creating a framework for healthy interactions.  This bears repeating Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out, they are about creating a framework for healthy interactions.

[SEGMENT MUSIC TRANSITION]

Host: It’s also important to set boundaries with ourselves. Sometimes, we’re our own worst enemies, overcommitting or neglecting self-care. Here are a few examples of self-boundaries:

• Limiting work hours to avoid burnout.
• Committing to a consistent sleep schedule.
• Saying “no” to activities that don’t align with your goals or values.
•  

Ask yourself: What self-boundaries do I need to set to protect my well-being?

[PAUSE] Setting boundaries with my self is a tough thing to do, but keep working on it, practice it.  Affirm yourself in all the ways you can.

Host: Before we wrap up, I want to leave you with a few affirmations for boundary-setting:

• "Setting boundaries is a form of self-respect."
• "I have the right to protect my time and energy."
• "It’s okay to say no to things that don’t serve me."
•  

Repeat these affirmations when you’re feeling uncertain about setting a boundary. 

They’re a powerful reminder that your well-being matters.

[SEGMENT MUSIC TRANSITION]

Host: Thank you for joining me on today’s episode of "Transforming Minds." I hope this discussion on setting boundaries has given you practical tools and inspiration to protect your well-being and foster healthier relationships.

If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, share, and leave a review. Don’t forget to revisit previous episodes, like Episode 3 on "The Power of Listening" or Episode 7 on "Overcoming Barriers to Vulnerability," for more insights on building meaningful connections.

As always, you can visit my website at www.drbrianragsdale.net for additional resources and updates. Until next time, remember: Boundaries are not walls; they are bridges to a healthier, more balanced life. Take care and be well.